Goodbye Insecurity (“5 Things Secure People Just Don’t Do”)

So I was on YouTube (instead of attending to my to-do list for today). Typical.

Thankfully though, something good came out of this procrastination. I came across this video called “5 Things Secure People Just Don’t Do” by registered clinical counsellor, Julia Kristina.

As someone who is in the process of becoming a more confident and secure person, I found this video to be really uplifting and insightful.

The points covered can be summarised as follows:

  1. Secure people don’t feel the need to control everything

giphy (1)

Secure people don’t have a need for overcontrol (an expression of insecurity). They don’t need to know who’s going to be there, what something’s going to be like, what the energy will be like. They trust that they will be able to adapt to the situation (whatever it is) and figure things out. Secure people are also able to set boundaries, say no and remove themselves from situations that do not sit well with them. They are not passive.

This resonated with me as I noticed my insecurity can show up in being overly concerned with how “things will be”. I also have the tendency to be passive and so I found Kristina’s observation that passivity, whilst it can seem like someone is being nice and accommodating, can actually be the result of fear. The fear of upsetting someone, the fear of somebody disagreeing with you etc.

2. Secure people don’t talk about themselves all the time


Here, Kristina describes how secure people do not feel the need to prove themselves to others and how they have a deep sense of security, worth, love and belonging. She also notes that they don’t feel the need to shrink into themselves and never be proud of their achievements/accomplishments.

In other words, as Kristina says in the video, the mentality of a secure person when it comes to celebrating themselves is:

“It’s not that I am so great, it’s that I am grateful.”

I love that!

3) Secure people don’t look at and point out other people’s flaws


Here, Kristina discusses how secure people don’t feel the need to nit-pick at others or put people down for being different to them.

She talks about how, a lot of the time, we are judging others to protect ourselves. We don’t want to see what our own issues/ areas for healing are and so we project onto others.

On the Instagram caption for the above quote, Julia talks about how being more compassionate towards ourselves can help us be kinder towards others.

4. People who are secure don’t apologise excessively

giphy (5)

Secure people find a balance between knowing when to take responsibility for their actions and not doing too much i.e. “I’m no good”, “I’m such a terrible person etc”.

Kristina aptly states:

Take responsibility for the part that is yours, nothing more, nothing less.

5. Secure people know that they are not perfect and accept themselves as imperfect

perfectly imperfect

“Secure people accept themselves as imperfect without resigning themselves to being stuck in whatever their struggles are”.

I loved this point because it accepts the reality of being a human (imperfection) without falling into the trap of self-pity, i.e. since I can never be perfect, I might as well stay here and struggle forever.

All in all, this video has encouraged me as I continue the journey of parting from my insecure ways. I hope it does the same for you.

Thank you for reading. You can check out the full video here:

See you in my next blog post. ✌️


  1. This is actually such a beautiful post and I completely agree with every point. Insecurities have a way of getting into people’s lives when they feel like they aren’t good enough and it’s so important for us to constantly check up on ourselves to avoid this happening💕

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s